Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy
Posted March 13th, 2008 by Donna J. Haerich
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On October 2, 2006, at 10:30 am, Charles Carl Roberts entered a small one-room Amish school house in rural Pennsylvania, intending to rape the ten young girls in attendance. He dismissed the boys and the adults present and began tying up the girls. Alerted by a 911 call, the state police arrived on the scene within minutes. Roberts, realizing the he would be unable to complete his initial plan, lined up the girls on the floor and gunned them down in rapid succession. Hearing shots the state troopers broke through the windows and witnessed Roberts turning the gun on himself.
As news of this tragic incident made the wire services and was picked up via satellite and broadcast worldwide, all eyes were focused on Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. But within a day an event occurred that many found even more shocking. The families of the slain girls announced they had forgiven the killer. As they made contact with the killer’s family to assure them that there was no ill will towards them, media attention shifted from the shooting tragedy to a story that journalists had not set out to cover.
The Christianity that believers profess but which the Amish actually practiced left the world stunned. The controversy that arose from the actions of the Amish community led to a national discussion that encompassed many of the societal issues facing today’s world.
Is forgiveness a virtue? What value does forgiveness have in today’s society? Is it emotionally healthy? Does forgiveness involve stifling emotional pain? Should forgiveness be only for the properly deserving or repentant? What should be our response toward terrorists? What if our nation had responded with forgiveness following 9/11? These questions and others like them were debated on panel shows, and written about in commentaries and editorials around in the country.
Scholars Donald Kraybill, Steven Nolt and David Weaver-Zercher, the authors of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy, have taken the questions that arose from these discussions and placed them in the context of Amish life and beliefs. The story they narrate is both simple and complex. Reporting the facts of what occurred before, during and after the shooting, they slowly and carefully explain both the actions of the Amish community and the reasons behind those actions. Although the book was authored by three individuals, who chose to use the collective “we” in their narration, the story flows smoothly as one voice.
The authors have each authored many books and articles on Amish history and culture and each had knowledge of and close relations with the Amish community prior to the killings. All three were intimately involved in the aftermath of the tragedy and physically present in the Amish community for many weeks thereafter. They were privy to the emotions and intimate feelings of the families involved and have used individual stories to weave a factual, engaging and coherent narrative.
An underlying question asked and addressed throughout the book is the nature of grace as understood within the Amish community. Was the forgiveness evidenced so rapidly following the Nickel Mines killing situational, or was it systemic? The authors conclude that the community’s commitment to forgive was made long before the event occurred, and for that reason they could immediately declare their intent. By deliberately reaching out to the family of Charles Roberts with gracious words and acts the community affirmed that they would not allow his negative behavior to control their attitudes.
The book is divided into three sections, a recounting of the actual event, an extensive theological treatise on the nature of forgiveness and a discussion of broader implications of forgiveness for the Amish and for the rest of society.
This reader found the middle section of the book which dealt in depth with the nature of forgiveness especially helpful by defining the theological words used in discussing the event. Pardon releases an offender from punishment while forgiveness forgoes the right to revenge. Amish forgiveness, however, does not mean that the community pardoned the behavior of the killer. While they believe that they must respond with grace, love and compassion to those who act with malice they do not believe that forgiveness excuses the wrong doer nor does it free the offender from the consequences of his actions, including criminal prosecution. For the Amish, forgiveness means that they deny themselves the right to hold a grudge. They do not deny wrong has taken place but they give up the right to hurt the wrong doer in return. By refusing to harbor animosity toward the offender, they leave open the possibility of the restoration of relationship and the reestablishing of trust.
The authors make clear that this response “is not a small patch tacked onto their fabric of faithfulness. Rather, their commitment to forgive is intricately woven into their lives and their communities.” For them, forgiveness is more than a good thing to do, but it is central to their faith. They are a people who take the words of Jesus with utmost seriousness, and their nonviolent traditions have shaped their way of life.
To their credit, the authors also chose to discuss the dark side of forgiveness with the community. They documented incidents in Amish life when forgiveness led to sad consequences as in cases of domestic and sexual abuse which led to inaction thus multiplying the pain of victims.
The authors close the book by asking many questions of their own. Is good more powerful than evil? What should be our response to violence individually and collectively? Is revenge a learned or a natural response? When does self-renunciation become emotional damaging to a forgiving person? How can we create communities in which enemies are treated as members of the human family and not demonized? Their reflections on these and other questions in the context of the tragedy of October 2006 invite their readers into a continued dialog on forgiveness and grace.
Finally, of interest to this reader was the information in the appendix. There the authors trace the emergence of the Anabaptist movement from the 1600s down to the life and culture of its modern followers. We as Adventists share much with our Amish and Mennonite brethren. We, too, have a unique lifestyle and attempt to be in the world but not of the world as we live out our religious beliefs in daily practice. However unlike Adventists, the Amish have no paid clergy, no central organizational structure, and no advanced educational system. They have developed a remarkably stable society with little crime, homelessness or unemployment. They do not evangelize or try to convert others to their beliefs; nevertheless their numbers are doubling every 20 years simply by keeping their own children in the faith.
Donna J. Haerich writes from St.Altamonte Springs, Florida.
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Comments
Thanks for this review, Donna. I remember reading coverage of this incident at the time it happened and not being able to hold back tears as I read of the incredible forgiveness extended by the Amish community. I felt that they did more to teach all of us about forgiveness than any sermon I'd heard.
I prefer the wise man's appraisal.
"3There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Eccl.3:1-8.
I forgive for my benefit and tell the Lord that I forgive those who ask His forgiveness in sincerity and thus He forgives.
What about forgiveness for those who don't ask for it (in sincerity or otherwise)?
Pat - are you saying that forgiveness is only given to those who ask for it?
"the community’s commitment to forgive was made long before the event occurred" is the secret of their attitude of forgiveness. If it is a taught and learned concept from childhood, then it becomes more natural to them.
However, they do not seek that justice not be done, which is proper, IMO.
What are some of the sad consequences that have led to abuse that you allude to? Shouldn't we know that forgiveness may also lead to allowing wrongful behavior? It is not always the best attitude in all instances, is it? The actions of the recent Governor of New York--should his wife and the state forgive him? Did he ask that, or did he merely apologize after being caught? How does one gauge true sorrow?
The Amish have also been extensively studied by medical researchers as their intermarriage has reulted in genetic conditions far beyond natural coincidences.
As for 9-11, what would forgiveness have accomplished unless you know who to forgive? We went to war and we didn't know, or should have known that the perpetrators had no specific nationality, but were terrorists from several nations. While lauding forgiveness, is it not better to forgive those who request it? There are murderers who have never confessed, so how than they be forgiven? All proprositions such as this raise many more questions that may not be easily answered.
Should the former governor of NY be forgiven by his wife and the state is a complex question.
On the personal level, if one views forgiveness as the article states, as the forgoing of the right to seek revenge, then yes. Is this not always appropriate? Harboring grudges and vengeful feelings only harms the holder, unless one goes further and acts out on such. In either case, destructive behavior.
But, if one views forgiveness as including the elimination of consequences, or the reestablishing of trust and relationship, then that is an entirely different story. Is the former governor truly sorry? Is he taking full responcibility for his actions torwards his wife, without excuse or blame shifting? Is he going to seek counseling for his obvious problems, with the goal of pursuing deep and lasting change? Can he recover the trust of his wife and children? Will she ever reach the place of emotional recovery where she can begin to open up to trusting him again? If he is not fully repentant, would a separation be needed to motivate him through further loss to seek change. Can she ever find the strength to walk through this process? I think that these are the issues we all face when faced with such heavy damage to our souls...and they are certainly not so black and white.
On the state level, facts, evidence and law are being dealt with, not interpersonal dynamics. Forgiveness from his wife doesn't mean that the state should not prosecute if they have a case. obviously, one should not continually act in a way, that is 'above the law,' as the former governor did, and recieve no consequences. He abused both his power and the public trust. Whether those consequences go beyond the loss of his office and extend into the criminal realm is something that the courts will soon decide.
My two cents...
Frank
Daneen and Clansi,
Am I "better" than God?
1 Jn.1:9
Frank,
I like your response. In "some sense" God loves those He non the less destroys in the final judgment doesn't He? Does He forgive Satan? Does He love Him?
pat
was Jesus wrong then to ask forgiveness of the soldiers who tortured him, soldiers who DID NOT repent??
Jesus was absolutely right, of course. He did not seek to call down fire or legions of angels... He was not letting their voilence and hatred control Him. Awesome!
But whether those soldiers were reconciled to God is something we don't know. that would involve their responce to Jesus' forgiveness.
Frank
This is the same dynamic between Jesus and us. His attitude and actions are such that display total forgiveness...no matter how vile the crime. This is who he is, independent of us.
His forgiveness thus opens the way for us to be totally reconciled. This engages us, and involves our response. Will we move towards God and embrace love, and allow it to change our lives and ways of relating to him and others? Will we tear down the barriers that keep us from being reconciled to him? Or will we walk the other way?
Just some more thoughts...
Frank
Pat--You ask if you are "better" than God and cite a verse about God's forgiveness, not ours, 1 John 1:9 (If we are faithful and confess our sins, He, that is God, will forgive us).
It's rather tricky ground to ever start comparing ourselves to God, don't you think? My point is that we are called to forgive in many places in the Bible (and other world religions also view this as a key part of discipleship). Isn't this because forgiveness is actually a spiritual discipline we need to practice whether or not the person (or institution) we are forgiving asks for our forgiveness and demonstrates true penance? It wouldn't be all that difficult to forgive the truly penitent--that's just being decent. It's our call as Christians to forgive because it's so difficult, because those who need our forgiveness the most likely won't ask for it, but not forgiving them holds a power over us that eventually destroys us (or makes us feel superior, indeed, God-like).
Roberts, the man who murdered all of those Amish girls, certainly didn't ask for forgiveness, so are you saying the Amish are acting "better" than God by forgiving him so completely? (And, to Frank's point, that doesn't mean without consequences. Our actions, whether they are forgiven or not still have consequences.)
These two different texts seem to encompass two differing but related aspects of forgiveness.
Jesus repeatedly forgiving the soldiers without any evidence of repentance reveals an essential part of God's nature, and of forgivness itself. Forgivness is something that comes solely from the offended party, independent from the actions or attitudes of the offender. Jesus, in forgiving, held true to who he is, did not let their violence dictate his response, and held open the door for future reconciliation. To me, this is simply staggering, much like how we've reacted to this article. This is in line with the idea that, 'while we were still sinners, Christ died for the ungodly.'
1 Jn. 1:9, however, seems to hold out how God's forgiveness can make a practical difference in our lives. It is speaking relationally. It is showing a contrast in light of the surrounding texts, between the person that will not admit their sin and need and the person that does.
For the first, God's forgiveness ends up making absolutely no difference, for the second, as Steve Green sings, his mercy makes all the difference.
Praise him!!
Frank
Hi Daneen,
It seems we live in an age where people fall over a microphone cord to say they forgive...what's that about? Are we trying to prove our "niceness." Is life a therapy session?
I suggest true love and forgiveness is also about creating healthy boundaries and that is not done without acknowlegement of wrongdoing and accepting consequences.
Why forgive the families or assure there was no ill intent towards them...they didn't do anything. Does Roberts feel better about himself now that he is "forgiven"?
Why should I make a public spectacle of forgiving the "dead" as they did? They know not anything.
I appreciate this comment in Donna's article, "To their credit, the authors also chose to discuss the dark side of forgiveness with the community. They documented incidents in Amish life when forgiveness led to sad consequences as in cases of domestic and sexual abuse which led to inaction thus multiplying the pain of victims."
You see we and they are so quick "to forgive" that the proper process is not allowed to work itself through...Hey I am so understanding like the song lyrics say, "Love is not having to say I'm sorry." I suggest that leads to a "sick" society and "false spirituality." Love SAYS I am sorry and needs to be allowed to arrive at that junction.
There is also a caveat to biblical "forgiveness" of others.
18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.Rom.12:18-21.
So I desire a heart that loves mercy and I will forgive if asked for forgiveness otherwise I turn it over to God and say, "I forgive the one He forgives as You also forgive me when I ask for the benefits of your grace."
I also try not to show personal vengence (except if immediate personal protection of my family was possible) and "leave room" for God's vengence for whom He deems unrepentant.
And yes...I have given my "enemy" a drink before.
Let everyone be convinced in his/her own mind.
pat
Forgiveness encompasses many things. It is easy to forgive an unintended slight; it is much more difficult to forgive a spouse who has so grievously wronged you and flouted his marital vows, as did Spitzer. His wife may forgive him, but that does not imply that she will forget his behavior and act as if nothing happened. "Be sure your sins will find you out" is too often forgotten.
A lady close by where I live, lost her four children by her ex-husband's hand, who then killed himself. (She's been on Oprah several times.) She exhibited a forgiveness seldom seen and eventually remarried and now has twins. Though she will never forget the four beautiful children she so suddenly lost, she holds no grudge in her heart and was able, over time, to live again. Something she said was her faith that gave her that possibility. Truly a test.
Forgiveness of those who are gone or dead does more for us then them
In many cases, choosing not to forgive because they have not asked, leaves us carrying the emotions around.
As Lewis Smedes puts it “The first and often the only person to be healed by forgiveness is the person who does the forgiving. When we genuinely forgive, we set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner we set free was us”.
Living in a town surrounded by a conservative Amish community and having several friends who are Amish has giving me perspective at least to their understanding of events like this. I have heard them discuss such wrongs as people breaking into their unlocked homes, driving by their church services honking horns, etc. because they will not fight back. They feel they are hired by employers because they won't sue. They are victims of auto versus buggy accidents which result in death where not even the medical bills are paid by the driver at fault.
They would forgive. They would also talk with me about "how can someone do this?" They would be agitated, upset, but not what I would think of as angry. Nor would they be speaking of revenge. They would not call the authorities but would not hinder them either. This would put them in a position and attitude to be able to converse with the family or the evil-doer.
While I don't think they have read Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence, their societal norms display it and teach it to their young. And I agree, Jesus winds up being the best example of this. The attitude of forgiveness He (and they) displayed is contrary to what our society teaches.
I see the "forgiveness" demonstrations and speeches of today as co-opting the word forgiveness to a selfish purpose when someone is asking for it. I'm sorry - You forgive. They are independent decisions and actions. One can be done without the other.
I guess I took up a dime's worth.
Donna has commented in another venue that God's forgiveness is not chronological: There is never a time when we are not forgiven. He is forgiveness personified. Forgiveness is an aspect of grace/love, which is His nature.
Another aspect of grace/love is freedom, with its inherent consequences. Every road has its own destination; no matter our attitude toward it, every action still has its own result. In the bigger picture, God doesn't have to impose penalties on sinners: Sin pays its own wage--death! Here and now, though, there is a place for imposed penalties: Civil government has the responsibility to keep peace and order, and penalties work toward that end; disorderly persons need to be contained for the benefit of society. Yes, human mistakes are possible; worse, justice is sometimes humanly betrayed. But though occasionally pardon comes into play, forgiveness seems not to be an issue. Courts don't love.
God's forgiveness is based on His love/grace; it's who He is. Forgiveness is not time oriented, and it contains the power to heal--to change the one who has been wrong. But it can do us no good until we accept it. God will let us reject His love and go our own way, because freedom too is part of His government. So justice is not vengeance as much as it is always doing the right thing...or so it seems to me.
Virginia,
I would suggest that God Loves us and "offers forgiveness" in a particular way. We are never without the "possibility" of forgiveness but it is "conditional" on receiving Christ and trusting in Him. Jn.3:16-21.
pat
pat, you said, "I would suggest that God Loves us and "offers forgiveness" in a particular way. We are never without the "possibility" of forgiveness but it is "conditional" on receiving Christ and trusting in Him. Jn.3:16-21."
Is God's forgiveness conditional? Did the woman taken in adultery ask for forgiveness? Did the paralytic ask for forgiveness? Yes Jesus said your sins are forgiven. Did those who crucified Jesus ask for forgiveness? No, yet Jesus forgave them. In 1 John 1:9, the word translated forgiveness, aphiemi, connotes more a removal of a guilty conscience in the offender, not the offended. We loose the meaning in the translation to english.
God has already forgiven all. Does that mean all will be saved? Not at all. We could explore the meaning of salvation, which is more a healing then a legal pardoning.
But you are correct, let everyone be persuaded in their own mind.
apl
High apl,
Thanks for your reply. If you will notice the structure of 1 Jn.1:9 you will notice that "forgive" is in the subjunctive tense and it is preceded by ina.(meaning for the purpose) This means there is a specific purpose for "if you confess" your sin and that purpose is that "He may forgive them." The sentence begins with the conditional "if."
You say,"aphiemi, connotes more a removal of a guilty conscience in the offender"
Is "this understanding" from the APL Greek/English Lexicon?
If God has forgiven all "unconditionally"...why would anyone perish? Don't get it?
Regards,
pat
Thought I would add some OT text from our "compassionate gracious God" for your consideration.
Ex.34.6-7.; Jer.3:13; Prov.28:13.;Dan.9:4-14.
One might also consider "lack of a repentant" spirit is likely the reason the evil doers will not confess and come to the "light." Jn.3:18-21; Rev.16:9,11.
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